To Be Desired.

How strange it is, to be addicted to something, to someone. I always believed that I won't be all that foolhardy but now, I know what a sheer pleasure it is.
 It's not love.
 God no!
It's lust or something awfully close.
Point is,  it is obsessive.
It's not heart and flowers but cigarette and scotch.
Life with a decanter had never seemed do ravishing. You don't want to be with them or even like them.
In fact, it's the need to be worshiped.
The desire to own and posses.
It's a strange desire for desire and to be desired. 

Change

Something strange is happening
A change is occurring
My views on everyday things are changing.

Thing for which once I'd kill for
Are suddenly annoying
I hope to be better
Then I am already.

Friends, spotlight, attention
I prayed for them everybody
But now, honestly it doesn't matter

I have found myself in solidarity.
Realized my flaws in solidarity.
Now, i am ready to embrace this change.

A lone Flower!

The beautiful shape of a leaf
or the smooth curve of petals
So beautiful, isn't it
A lone flower!!

It's twisty-turvy stem
Solid on the ground
So powerful isn't it
A lone beautiful flower!!

It's soft petals
and weak, bony cappilries
So delicate isn't it
A strong, beautiful, lone flower!!

However, it happens to be one of a kind
For all the rst are gone
Quite sad, Isn't it
A lone flower?

LOVE U DADA

CHANGE IN ME

3 rd December, 2008. For the majority of the world, It will be an ordinary day, but for me and for my family, this day changed my life.

The much loved head of my family, my grandfather, died of a heart attack this day. He was just 63. His departure came as a big shock to all of us because my grandfather was as fit as anyone else we knew but also because of what it now meant for our life.

Now days, if I ever reflect my life before my eyes, I see that I think of it in two different phases. AD and WD, After Dada (grandfather in hindi) and with him.

Let’s now go back, say, about six years.

Six years ago, I was ten years old, an athlete, a sport person, a skinny yet tall child and most of all, I always smiled.

Now, in the present time, I will hit sixteen in the winter, I am a book worm, a wanna be writer, an overweight girl, short for her age and the worst thing of all, I don’t know how to smile.

Six years ago, I was the person whom everyone wanted to be with.

Now, I am the person always available in need.

Six years ago, I was over out spoken, and was never afraid to voice my opinions.

Now, I cant even speak properly. I stutter, stammer, mix up word and have a permanent case of a bad throat. Even worse, now I apply myself the way I think people would like me to be.

Six years ago, I had so many friends that it was difficult to keep the number straight. I was funny, lively always active.

Now, I have well over a thousand friends but none of them truly know me. Now I am serious, a neatness freak, and am always hoping that I would be involved in something larger than me.

Six years ago, I was innocent. I dreamed every day and I dreamed every night and in my heart, I believed that I could be whoever I wanted to be.

Now, I know that the world is not so easy and I have seen both the good and the bad it has to offer and I chose the good.

Six years ago, I loved listening to stories.

Now, I love making them myself.

Six years ago, I was a wild child getting kicked out of schools whom most mistook for a boy.

Now, I am the presentation of a good student and am about as respectful as any aristocrat.

Six years ago, I loved my world and hated any change.

Now I can’t help but make one.

Six years ago, I was nobody important.

Now, I hope to be.

Exams are tyring

Hi, gain.
My mid-terms start from 19th and the first exam is maths.
Shit.
That's just 18 days away and did i mention that i completely suck at maths.
Still, i plan to work hard this time.
I need to get an A.
I think that by the time exams come,i become completely paranoid and become a victim of HAS- High Achievement Syndrome. (yeah,that was a joke)
I am still studying so the rest later.
Have a great time till then.
bye

WARDROBE

GREAT IDEAS EMERGE ONLY IN TOTAL CHAOS.
That was my last post yesterday, but chaos, however does not happen to be the second step ins over all self improvement.
The next step is to work on that idea. To turn it from simply being an idea to actually something real and for that, you need to be organized.
So, i am working on that.
Yesterday, it was organizing my study room, today it was organizing my wardrobe.
I went to my dear friend, Kavya's house yesterday.
Her organized wardrobe shocked me.
Last night, after studying, i took some ideas from this website and it was really very useful for me.
http://www.realsimple.com/home-organizing/organizing/closets/inspirational-closets-00000000013792/index.html.
and i will now show you the result.

Okay, so maybe not not absolute perfection but this was work in progress. 

when its complete, it will be a looker.

GREAT IDEAS EMERGE ONLY IN TOTAL CHAOS

MY PLACE

We all have a place of work, where we discover ourselves, let our imagination grows and plan hard and work even harder. This is mine.

It been time

hey again,
sorry for banking out.
it was my younger sisters birthday on 20th and we were having a frenzy so i could not find the time to open my account.
after that, i got tonsils and colitis. both together so it was a sick leave again.
i will upload some pics of the party and then also some of my bedroom.
but, even more, next month, my exams are starting.
they are the midterms and its on the basis of this result that i will get admission to a school for specific fields for eleventh grade.
there are three major specific fields.
science, commerce or arts/humanities.
i will be taking arts/humanities because it is my forte and i actually have a bit of an interest and the dear chance of scoring some real marks.
because of the exams, however, i have to lessen the time i spent on my 'other' activities for a month.
after that, i have been guaranteed two months of freedom and a wild birthday party
in November.
(honestly though, ever since i turned a teenager, apart from my fourteenth birthday, whose theme was a bit upscale, i have been having wild birthdays every year.
sometimes, wild people decide to crash, some times, we go wild and some times, there is actual wilderness, ut more on that later  or rather never)
apart from the deal my parents have given me, if i do get decent grades(meaning full marks, more than 98%) overall, i will be eligible to leave the town and go to some bigger, better school which might give me more exposure, not to mention away from home.
i mean, i love my family but i CAN NOT spend the rest of y life locked up with them.
moreover, as i grow up, i realize that we will never see eye to eye as we both have very different and contrasting opinions about major tpics.
so well, wait for me for a month.
see you on the other end.
P.S- I HATE EXAMS< AND EVEN MORE I HATE STUDYING FOR THEM.

hi there
i am subscribed to the speaking tree and business dictionary.
you should too.
especially the speaking tree, it has so many beautiful and moving thought for everyone.
and it is very very helpful if you are in a rough patch of life or are trying to turn your life around

hey everyone

yesterday was independance day
a national holiday here in india
is that why tommorow was so memorable, unfortunately no.
yesterday, i did a phenomenal job cleaning my inbox.
in the morning, it was 123700 or something.
but by night, it was 0.
maybe it wasnt that big of a deal
but thanks to mailstrom

happy independence day

i am watching v for vendatta
i have 0 mail inbox
mission acheived
yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

books with negative remarks

i was just surfing through my good reads account.
there this book called sisters by danielle steel caught my eye.
i liked it's discription but the comments were quite contrary
see for ur self

hi, i m still sick

i have now gone on and on about my health enough
so now, i will tell u about well, i did mention that i read a book by daniella steel. i will write/type about that.

the big girl

it is honestly a great book.
it is about the dawson's and the protagonist is their elder daughter, victoria regina.
yeah, she is named afer queen victoria. why? because she looks like the queen.
her parents and her younger sister are perfect people.
they all are thin, fit, brunette, tan and also, beautiful enough to be on a magazine cover.
victoria, unfortunately is not all that much beautiful.
she is blond and has blue eyes, moreover, her skin is white and not tan.
she is labelled a big girl.
and the book is about how she gains confidence in herself and learns to love herself

good morning to all of you

hi people,
today was the first time i missed school in 10th grade.
so, yeah you guessed it right.
my flu has got a lot worse.
it all stared on friday.
i came home from school at around 2.
i studied for an hour, from three to four and then felt tired. really tired.
i slept.
when i woke up, it was eleven and i had a sore throat.
i was very groggy and went back to sleep.
i woke up at around three at night with my whole body i pain, i also had a very high temperature and a killing headache.
i tried to go back to sleep but it didnt work.
at five, i somehow staggered to my parents rooms.
my whole body hurt like hell.
by six, i was crying because of the pain.
at around seven, my dad took me to a doctor.
he took my temperature- 102`
he  ave me some meds.
i slept all dayand by the afternoon, the temperature had gone.
but not the muscle pain and the headache.
next day, no headache, but present body pain.
but on monday, after coming home from school, i slept.
woke up at seven in the evening, six hours later.
went to yet one more doctor,
slept again by nine. i hadnt had anything solid to eat now for three consecutive days.
my mom woke me up at one in the night to fee me some chicken soup.
i had such monstorous swelling in m throat that i couldnt even swallow it properly.
ten minutes later, i was asleep.
next morning, school.
this time, after returning i didnt sleep, but indulged in my guilty pleasure- Daniella Steel
mrs Steel writes great books, but my personal favorite is 'Big girl'.
i had some milk at night and that is when it started.
the coughing and the sneezing, followed by the vomiting tendencies.
and so i didnt go to school today.

whats all changed in the last month

frankly a lot.
every day , i feel my self evolving and becoming a better person, and at times worse.
but at least i know this, i never let any boundaries restrict me ever. and now, one more thing inside me has changed.
i have got a sense of how to find happiness in my day to day situations, which i honestly believe is a great step.
its like, i dunno how to explain it but it is a lot clearer with an example.
you are sitting among a lot of people. you are presented with some opportunity. you want to take it and you know it deep down inside, that you will benefit from it.
but you dont.
why?
because you are worried about other people's reaction.
and you are eyeing the opportunity and you know that you are the best candidate for it, but by the time you muster up the courage, some one ele has already taken that opportunity.
so it sucks.
for you
and after that, you wonder and ponder why didn't you grab the opportunity when you had the chance?
the answer is pretty much plain and smple, its because you suck.

so it was pretty much like that but now, i have got more confidence, and much stronger resolve all beacause of one person.
a friend i made for life, - Ishaan Karn.
so, Ishu thank you for basically showing me that the world dosn't have its daily highlights fixed on you and essentially, pretty much every human being is just the same, but we can only rise if we believe in ouself

and one more thing, i got the flu.
add on with sore throat and bludgeoning headaches.

so yeah, just enjoying life.

my diary entree on 7/19/14

Some things I realized this week are:

Ø Allowed myself to dream about some unexpected things

Ø Realized that my persona has changed a bit

Ø Realized the value of time

Ø Realized that I am more mature than what I give myself credit for

Ø Realized that just what a lazy person I am

Ø Realized that I am stronger then what I give myself credit

Strange isn’t it?

Now, to understand the next part, you should understand me. And to understand me, you need to understand where I come from.

So it is here that I lay my life bare.

The earliest memory I have is of my second birthday.

It was November 23, 2000. My birthday cake had white frosting. My grandfather had hung a small baby swing, the type in which you can feed a baby, to one of the supporting beams of the roof. It was pink and made of plastic. I remember my mom tucking me in it and then putting the cake infront of me on a table. My neighbor Shristi, who wasn’t even a year old and in the arms of her mother, was on the right side, near the door. Immediately left to me was my mom helping me cut the cake and to my immediate left was my best friend Shubhi. Shubhi and I were born five days apart. Infact, from the story I know,

My mother along with my grandfather had gone to this hospital, ‘Kurji’ to visit an acquaintance. This acquaintance recently had a baby daughter and was the daughter a Sangita Dadi.

Dadi means grandmother in hindi.

Sangita dadi’s husband was some nephew or something of my great grandmother. So this sangita dadi, my dadi and one more Chanda dadi were (and are) very good friends.

So sangita dadi’s daughter who had a baby girl was my father’s cousin sister making he my bua, i.e. father’s sister.

This bua, whose name was Nidhi was BFF with my own Bua Beauty.

Now, Nidhi bua’s daughter was shubhi.

She was born on 17^th November.

My mother had a day off from her office. Yes, she was eight months along and was still working. On her day off, she and my grandpa went to the hospital. Now while in the hospital, my grandfather suggested that she herself get a check up. She did. The doctor’s realized that the umbilical cord was slowly moving and it might choke the baby in question which was me. So they admitted her in. did a C-Section, and I was born on 23^rd November.

More later.

WIFI PERMANENT YAAYYYYYYY

igot it
i got it
daddy got wifi
i love him

Hey now,

I know it’s been a long time.

But the one at fault this time was my internet connection. It’s just so fucking irritating.

How the hell am I supposed to update my weekly activities when I am stuck with a monthly internet connection?

So what all happened this week?

Hmm first of all I realized an important lesson in life.

-       If you want the ship to go a certain way, then it is you who will have to steer the ship.

Or rather -At times, when you are not satisfied with the way a thing is going, you can only achieve satisfaction by  taking full control.

So now here’s the thing which provoked me to do such (as Nicki Minaj famously put thi-inking)

There’s this dweeby, dodgy,  girlish girl who is the class monitor.

Now, I’ve already told ya what she is like, so instead of monitoring, miss dweeby, dodgy is busy exchanging greetings with her BFF.

And as you’d have guessed it, the whole class was absolutely maddening.

And I was melting because of the freakishly hot temperature and sitting at the last and some of the kid’s were actually howling.

I was having a headache and it was unbelievably irritating, so I did the only thing I could. I went to the front of the class and every kid who was talking, or shouting, howling, screaming heard his or her respective names being shouted by me. 90 seconds later, the whole place was a s quite as a freaking cemetery.

Now, I gotta admit, even I was amazed. So they made me a third monitor or something.

I had that terrible headache the whole day on Friday and on Saturday. At night, my dad took us to watch a movie, “Humpty Sharma Ki Dulhania”.

God, it was so hilarious that my stomach hurt from laughing. Still, I had the headache present at the back of my head. At night when I finally went to sleep, and woke up today, I was glad.

First, that bungeoing headache was gone, and second, it was a Sunday. Yaay. Every week, from Monday to Friday, I have to wake up at five and have a bloody tight schedule. But on Sunday’s I am free absolutely free.

Free, free, free.

Now I am off to enjoy my freedom

See ya later

been busy

geez
i am so sorry,
i had a diary entry scheduled but at the last minute, i had to make a presentation for a friend.
let's see if i am able o put it up by the night
let's hope i do
now i gotta go
or else i will be late for my classes

Hate politics

Hey there,
if you are not an Indian, then you must know about this topic, and if you are an Indian then ..... (do i need to go any further?)
I always wondered how come the politicians can be so corrupted. For where do they get that quality?
I used to, but now, I Know the answer.
Politicians  are no other than the rest of us.
They function with the reasons of greed, just like the rest of us, it s jut that they do not happen to have as much conscience as some of us, and only a much larger platform all to themselves.
Now, you must be wondering. What happened to Aahana?
Sometimes, i post about my childhood crushes, and then after a brief absence, about my hurt ego, and now politicians?
seriously, is this girl bipolar or mercurial ( I picked that word from a nove and if you are well read, you will know which one i am talking about).
well I am not.
this week, at school, the cabinet/the student body got selected.
now, tenthers cannot apply for the major roles. we can be either the prefects, or assistant something or the other.
Now i really wanted to be the assistant literary secretary.
No need to guess why.
but since the students could only give their name and were nominated by the teachers, i was not selected.
Even though only two girls applied for that post (including me).
And now, here is the corruption part, she is the school's education co-coordinator's daughter.
More over that, she is a personal nemesis of mine.
Now, I know what you think, and yes i admit, I am whining.
Still, Just how much can a person be expected to bottle up their feeling???
I FUCKING HATE IT.
Geez, now I feel a hell a lotta better.
P.S- i have won a national prize in literary quiz. First in school, first in state, first in zone and second at nationals.(My country is inhabited by more than a billion humans, so that's gotta count for something, right?)
See ya

REALIZATION

hey there,
i just realized something today.
i have a fragile ego.
i envy to have qualities of others.
for example, it wouldnt hurt if i was as good in science as dr sheldon cooper (yeah, you are right from the big bang theory)
or as good in maths as my teacher
or as fit as every skinny girl
but stilll i am happy more or less wit wat i am
and i am on the road to become skinny
alredy, my waist size has gone from 38 to 32
i call that progress.
see ya

REALIZATION

today i realized something.
I have a fragile ego.
It hurts.

Experiences

Experiences - They can be good, They can be bad.

I like to think of people in that context.

I like to believe that every human, i have ever met in my life is an experience.

Some I would like to relive,

Some I am just glad to get over with.

_ Aahana

Love you,Babe

Have you ever loved someone?

The kind which makes you and breaks you?

Not the kind you read in the mills and boons book but the type you  dream every night of having?

I don’t either yet and I am waiting for it.but still, I ask you right now, who is the one person who’s smile you live to see?

Whose every wish is your command?

If your answer is the latest guy or the hottest chic you have a crush on, I am sorry but you have a big part of your life’s happiness in jeopardy.

I love, adore and am crazy for my younger sister.

She is Leah and I cannot imagine my life without her.

I live now, with the knowledge that  this is my last year at home for I am going out of station for school next year while my sister is at present in her first year of middle school

Leah will be ten this august and is six years younger than me.

She is just perfect, Perfect in every sense of the word.

I don’t think I can ever truly not love her.

She is just the beautiful, pretty, smart, challenging, quick witted, funny, weird, lovely, irritating, amusing, sickly, amusing, sensitive, sensible, maddening, incorrigible, spoilt yet kind girl I would want to be.

She is everything I am fearful of, everything I ever wanted to be and everything I wished I would never have.

She is my mirror and I am glad to have her because I don’t think I will ever be satisfied if anyone but she were to be my sister.

Now that she is growing up, I am constantly proud of her.

Love you ,Babe.

NEPAL FOR WHAT IT IS